Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Transformers: The Drama Begins

Round here things don't ever go the way you'd expect them. The counters are buried with clean dishes instead of dirty*, the people within are all dysfunctional and just plain nuts, and little girls don't play with dollies, no, they play with action figures. Well one little girl anyways.

Kid got over the holidays a whole bunch of transformers, my little ponies, littlest petshops, and wall-es. So far the ponies are locked in mortal combat along with the littlest pet shops in which the only brief respite in their conquest is for group tea and birthday parties. Fortunately, and quite unlucky for them, pony years are dreadfully short for I've seen every last pony have a birthday at least three times a day a piece in between grueling battle riyals. I don't know if they have it better than the more boyish of her toys, the transformers though; they are the ones living a soap opera-like teen drama of a life.

I feel sorry for Black Arachnia, a female transformer spider. She has an unfortunate problem: She's the only girl transformers amidst a whole slue of males and unfortunately for her, it would appear the whole lot of them are all gay. It doesn't stop the girl from trying. She's dating at least two of the others now, the hussy. She's also a completely psycho girlfriend, going as far as to stalk her potential paramours relentlessly and constantly declaring her undieing "love" for them all. Poor "The Fallen", he doesn't want to date her at all. After a long day of her constantly showing up where ever he went, trying to feed him foods she knows he's allergic to, and calling him nonstop he had enough and shot her. She's an immortal crazy bizznatch however, and after he sought solace on a high up place of of bratling and subsequently Crazy Spider Lady's reach. From there she started doing illegal, under the table operations upon her recently dumped "boyfriends".

Thank god the kid's five and boys are off and on again gross or I'd be worried for them.
Get out while you still can Fallen!

This amusing expert from the days play will now be written for your delight:

Kid (in best imitation girly voice): "The Fallen! I love you! We should go out now!"

Me (humoring the kid): "The Fallen says she has enough boyfriends (mutters) the hussy..."

Kid: "She's not a hussy! (back to funny girly voice) I dumped them. I only want you now Fallen, I love you."

Me (sadly amused by this): "The Fallen says they should see other people and they would never work out."

Kid: "No! We can make it work Fallen, I'll give you extra kissies and hugs and cuddles."

Me: "The Fallen says she's only in it for the kissies and the fact that he's the coolest transformer. Also, he says that he doesn't want a girlfriend."

Kid: "But I can't live without a boyfriend! You don't want me to die do you?"

Me (musing out loud): "I know way too many women out there like that..."

(Kid has her transformer kick The Fallen in the face.)


nonna said...

ok, i think bratling has been watching waaaay too many soap operas or somethin' hehe

she is def persistent though :)

word verification: blisters! like fallen's gonna get blisters from that hussy spider chick! lololol

damn, i crack me up

Unmarried Housewife said...

Lol. That's great. Kid's enjoying her transformers soap that's for sure. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the hussy had something... she is a spider after all.

The Microblogologist said...

What in the hell are you letting her watch?!? Think we can blame this on spongebob or caillou or another of her more annoying kid shows?

Unmarried Housewife said...

I'm sure we can find a way to blame one of her more obnoxious cartoons. We'll have to figure out which is the most plausible.