Thursday, January 1, 2009

From the Flawed Logic of a Child

Over here at the Unmarried Housewife's household things have been an off and on battle to remind Kid exactly how things work. As you all may recall poor Pa has been watching the whelp whilst I cavorted about in Iowa with my sister, the Microblogologist. As you also remember, Kid became a completely wild child with my sixty something sickly Pa behind the wheels of the bratmobile.

Poor Bratling, to be five, her cherished maternal figure who was also her discipline regime, gone. How else was she to act? Too bad for her the discipline force doesn't humor her off behavior. It was not so bad whilst Microblogologist around, though Kid took it upon herself to tattle on me every time I tried to enforce something or get her to do something like... oh I don't know. Return the things she took out of my room and lost or clean up a mess she entirely made. She'd come up with the many excuses to go to the area her other auntie was in and tell on me. Oy vey.

This leads to my current punishment on Kid. Because she trashed my room, broke some of my things and lost others whilst I was away I took the computer away from her for the rest of her winter vacation. Kid logic dictates that Pa's computer, however, is free game. So after my wake up call of little clomping feet going up and down the hall reached me and I coffeed myself up to a tolerable level I came downstairs. What did my eyes see before me but Kid, on the computer, trying to call her auntie over Skype from a computer without the mic needed for such a task. With the grace that all of us dictator tyrant disciplinarians posses I addressed the issue:

Me [dignified yell]: "Kid! Stop trying to call Auntie Kee! You know that Skype's call feature doesn't work, you're just harassing Kee!"

Kid [whining]: "But I miss my Auntie Kee!"

Me [not backing down]: "So? That doesn't make that Skype work without a mic. She might not even be home."

Kid [mad]: "I want to talk to Auntie Kee!"

Me [annoyance building]: "It doesn't matter. You're still uselessly ringing her up."

Kid [whiny mad]: (repeat prior responses x3)

Me [dawning revelation]: "Wait a minute... Didn't I ground you from the computer? I did ground you from the computer!"

Kid [exasperated]: "You grounded me from my computer. This is Pa's computer."

Me [deadpan]: "Nice try. Off."

Kid [angry]: "You let me talk to my Auntie Kee right now!"

Me [amused]: "Oh?"

Kid: [makes a frustrated and whiny scream]

Me: [laughs at Kid's expense]

Kid [pulling out the big guns]: "If you don't let me talk to Auntie Kee right now I'll call you by your middle name!"

Me [humoring]: "Oh?"

Kid [satisfied malice]: "Yeah! (Uses her own middle name)!"

Me and Auntie Kee from over Skype: [dies laughing]

Eventually she'll figure out that not everyone hates their middle name or share the same one. I think I may just cry that day.

--------after notes---------

Yes, yes I am mean. It's too much fun poking fun at a kid's train of thought and Kid is an abundant resource of cheap chuckles. Kids; a gift that keeps on giving.


nonna said...

i must be a horribly mean nonna cuz i don't see anything mean in that whole conversation. well, other than bratling threatening YOU that is. also, i probably would have been much meaner after the attempted threat :)

The Microblogologist said...

Niecey was being quite belligerent and annoying. And I would like to remind you and have in the record that Auntie Kee made her clean up and look for your stuff for quite a few hours after she manipulated the situation into having Middle Sister and I allow her to go to bed without having found all the books that night. And I think I generally kept out of it or tried to support you whenever there was a conflict, even when I did not always agree with you.

Her threatening to and then calling you by her middle name was HILARIOUS! I wonder if she will always hate her middle name or if someday she will like it. Probably will always hate it since we torment her with it too much, if it wasn't so funny...

nonna said...

micro sounds just a little defensive there huh? lol

Weaselmomma said...

The next time they get to pop over this way, you will have to join us.

The Microblogologist said...

Nonna: I am so unfairly accused of indulging her and letting her get away with everything!

WeaselMomma: Hopefully next time I am in town we can take you up on that! I tried to get NukeDad involved with getting rid of your inlaws so we could visit but he refused to come to Chicago, probably would have froze to death anyway, lol.