Friday, December 26, 2008

Home From the Holidays

My title sounds like one of those horrible Christmas comedies that plague us come out every year doesn't it? This year when the season came along it kidnapped me for good measure. No longer am I in Iowa with my sister, the Microblogologist, but back home with the whole famn damily. The peace and quiet is gone and it's back to the regular chaos that is my world. When can I book another trip again?

No no don't take that as a horrible comment. I really did miss being in action and my bratling. Caring for my sister is quite similar but she's much lower maintenance than a five year old; sweet mercy. Alas, as many of you whelp-wranglers would know it is impossible to get used to silence when you have a kid whose job in life is to make you dread it. Things quickly become just too quiet and surrounding yourself with other sounds doesn't quite cut it. I loved me my Iowa trip something big but I missed my whelp as well. Perhaps Summer will be a promising time to combine the two worlds into one super mix.

Poor Pa, he was stuck at home sick and with kid-wrangling duties at the same time as well. You become aware of how much something was needed as soon as it's gone. He really missed me. Kid's going to readjust to having her main disciplinarian back. Poor poor whelp. Not that she minds, yet. First thing she did when I was spotted was attach herself to my leg in a death grip hug and allowed me to indulge myself in kissies and hugs and cuddles... until she remembered that she had her other Auntie right there whose far more indulgent than I am. With a prompt, "You're squishing me!" and patented Limp-Kid-Squirm she managed to escape. Mom, or GRA as we have taken to calling her learned tha I made every holiday treat that she normally makes. Such as the coveted, high demand, and always gone after a day or two, Kolackies.

Which by the way; I learned the hard way the dough needs to be cold to work with and you need to flour the table really well because this dough is a horrible horrible sticker when room temperature and yet useless when over floured. Me and my sister wanted self gratifying indulgence and seeing as these pastry/cookies are always given out to GRA's work and such we impulsively chose to make a batch ourselves in order to get maximal enjoyment. That and so we wouldn't have to share. Cookies were made as well. Triple chocolate one's, those I cheated and used a premade cookie dough for. Our final holiday goodie of choice were lemon bars. A whole pan between two women lasts a while and in the end though we tried our best, there were three bas left that did not get eaten. What a shame.

I fattened my sibling up so well that come the end of my visit she has some weight to spare. She wasn't the only thing that needed some cushie, My fluff-butts aka, the pet rabbits I have were scrawny as well come the beginning of my trip to Iowa. It was a misunderstanding in their feeding, I thought they were eating more than usual when in all reality they were eating much less. Something looked off with the two and when I pet them, sure enough they were little bags of bone. Oh dear. One tearful housewife freak out later Pa went and fetched a couple bags of pellets and their meal plan was upped considerably*. Believe me when I say this. Had I have not figured this out when I did I would be minus two pets come somewhere during the trip. This was an issue that nearly had me cancel my trip all together**. Luckily Pa is a hero and fed the two about a cup of pellets a piece per day. That's four times more than they would normally need. I checked on them first thing when I got into the house and was relieved to see they gained back all their missing weight. Thank god. I can lower their intake to half a cup now for a bit and then bring them back to a fourth***.
Maybe it's because I took my spider plants out of their diet...

Presents were dulled out not long later and kid has left a mess in the living room that I'll look into getting cleaned. Our house is usually a disaster area**** and so if I don't I just know when my housewife instincts for cleanliness overload and I go at that room with a borderline insane intent to see carpeting once more I'll find wrapping paper and toy packaging absorbed into the menagerie of mess for sure. I have no doubt in my mind that I'll be already finding all those fun plastic toys kid got from the folks via my feet as the rules of parenthood does so dictate. GRA got a cellphone, I don't know if that's a good thing or not yet. Time will tell how much I should dread her being able to call me anytime she wishes. Lucky for me she's a cheapskate. My gifts in which I received were as followed: A flask, a card from the folks filled with monies which I'll slowly spend away on my rabbits and bratling, and a remote controlled mini helicopter.

The flask has already been absconded with via my older but not the oldest sibling after she filled it with the rum she gave Pa. He didn't fill his flask yet, but like me he's always wanted one, something I find funny. The card is in a totally not at all stupid place where I'll probably lose it be able to keep track of it. The helicopter has been flown, crashed, and entangled in bratling's hair in what was one of my better piloting moments. I didn't get any pictures of the unwrappings for this year, I'll be able to sumarize how they would have looked in this picture of Pa and GRA that features Pa doing our families' traditional hand gesture*****.
Awww Pa...

-----copying Microblogologist who copies LiteralDan's section------

*I had stopped buying the rabbit pellets for a while because the place I get my hay doesn't have the best prices for it and yet the pet store is out of the way. Something I retrospectively should not have done without supplimenting the rabbits' diet with something else first.

**The folks have a bad record when it comes to taking care of the bun-buns. Often times I come home to a disaster whenever I leave my pets in their care, making me hesitiate because of the newly added complications upping the needed care level. This time they seemed to have gotten the hang of it and things were messy but otherwise intact.

***A fourth a cup of pellets a day per five pounds worth of rabbit is the vetrinarian consensus on how much of the stuff that they really need.

****The house is magical in that witin a few days of me going to town and cleaning it completely it always finds a way to be a mess all over again to the point you can't tell I had ever cleaned it at all. Possible gremlings?

*****No.... it's so not flipping the bird. Nope. It's the one fingered salute. That's totally different. We're not completely horrible when it comes to raising Bratling!
Not helping my case any here.

Saturday, December 6, 2008

A Trip Back in Time ep.1

Hello friends, and welcome to the first episode of "A Trip Back in Time"!

Being stranded in Iowa whilst my sister, the Microblogologist, does her lab geek stuff and not having a bratling to occupy my time with makes an Unmarried Housewife a dull girl. You can only clean sooooo much in a day before an apartment finds itself just too clean and you're stuck with no other time-occupying cleaning. Of course usually that leads to cookie making and full course meals being planned and created but what do you think I am? Some kind of 1950's modeled housewife? Yeah I wish.

I'd so go gay for one of those... ;P

Digressing! Anyways I need a little adventure into a busy part of my rather mundane life. And so I'll listen to Mr. Peabody and entertain myself by going back in time and messing with watch how things played out for me. Considering I went AWOL in November, we shall start there. Which event shall I choose? Why only the best, most interesting, noteworthy of things. My best friend giving birth. So come along as we make our way to the super duper, handy dandy time machine! No! Not the Way-Back Machine! Our budget isn't that high.

Get outta here guys, you're cramping my style!

I present to you live, the Time o' Tron.

Yeah we like to live it up sometimes.

We're here! The date is November something-ish, 2008. And we find me in bed sleeping. It's been a late, late night and I went to bed a mere two hours prior. A knock upon the door woke me up from my slumbering and I was told of a phone message that was important. Instinctively I know nobody in their right mind calls me at this ungodly hour of seven a.m. and so it could only be one thing.

My best friend must've popped early.

I listen to the message confirming my suspicions. The poor girl after having one false labor, and then another stopped labor, has finally had a labor that was just too late to cancel. Those kids wanted out and nothing was going to stop them. I chatter away on the phone with not just my best friend but her mother and find out that it won't be until another six hours that I could go over there. Why not call me then? We shall never know...

Exhausted and sleep deprived I tried for a few more hours of sleep, something that I learned all too soon was not going to happen. My mind was too active once again, and everyone in the house just had to be as loud as possible. This included an appearance of none other than bratling who had to scream and whine at the top of her lungs, naturally. This was followed later by me waiting outside for my best friend's grandmother to go and pick me up. Bratling couldn't stand the idea of me leaving the house for anything and was giving me the most sad and pathetic faces and yowls for attention you could ever image from the window. By the time the nice lady came over I had a little girl clinging to me like a barnacle, crying for me to not go. I took one for the team and sacrificed my computer to make brat go back inside so I could go.

After a relatively pleasant ride I came upon a group of friends and family of our girl. Naturally they had to test my sleep deprived prowless by having me identify the guy in front of me. I made my guess and said something clever along the lines of, "Her brother?". I had a feeling I guessed wrong by the blanks stares. Someone corrected me, apparently he was her boyfriend...*
Oops. I did tell them I didn't really sleep. BFF was looking pretty good if I do say so myself. For someone who had a C-section and was drugged up, she was bright and perky. We did our hugs and talked and of course got to go down and see the kids. They were just the cutest things. Four pounds and change a piece, black haired, dark eyes, and I know they'll have a lovely natural tan from being Caucasian-Indian mixed. I told BFF she did such a nice job that she should make me a pair. Ha ha, it got me the stink eye and a weak, "can't laugh after a C-section" laugh.

It was probably afterwards whilst other of the family were visiting one at a time in the Infant-ICU that I noticed for the first time that the two women that earlier I had assumed were aunts, were not really aunts at all. You see, BFF doesn't want kids, and these miracle babies had managed to happen even with two forms of birth control and everything. She had considered abortion but found out soon enough that she just could not do it. So, like the movie "Juno", she went to pick out a family. I bet you know what I'm getting at now. Yes, these two women were who BFF picked out. They were nice, funny, and in general all around good people. My conservative Pa would have a cow, but seeing as I have a oddly large number of gay friends, I was not phased**.

The next set of days would be spent with me visiting daily for hours, up until bratlilng or Gra, whichever one it was, got me sick once more with the disease I'm carrying around with me now. Biohazards! The whole lot of them! By the time I get back from Iowa, the kids may just be living in their new home with their mommies. I should recommend blogging to them. How else will I be able to keep up so well with the mini-whelps? Besides my BFF of course. :)

----copying Microblogologist who copies LiteralDan section-----

*The first meeting with me and BFF's boyfriend involved a bar and me getting plastered. We're not going to admit that too openly. Oh! They're engaged now, so BFF's fiance is a more suitable term for modern reference.

**I could say at this point up to 40% of my friends are either bi or all out gay. My distinct lack of caring one way or another makes me the usual "first to come out to" girl. As such, any conversation that begins with: "I have something important to say to you" usually involves pregnancy or a sexual preference.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Time Machines and The Unmarried Housewife Migration

I'm so terrible putting my blog on the back burner to simmer while I went off to draw myself stupid. Naughty naughty Housewife! Well no there was more to it. I've been off and on sick, my best friend gave birth to two beautiful preemie girls whom are being adopted into a loving home and so I've been in and out of the hospital up until I got ill again, sleep deprivation took its loving toll upon me more than once*, and all in all November was a busy busy month! One of these days I'm going to have to build me up a time machine so you all can see all the amazing things** I did throughout the now gone November. Oh look at that over there! What is it?

Is that what I think it is?

Yes! A crudely made time machine! Future me must have known I would want to write about what happened to me throughout November and sent her Time o' Tron over so that I could. Aww.. and I didn't even get her a birthday card.

Well before I start making posts using my handy dandy... time machine! I have some big neato news.

The Unmarried Housewife Migration has landed me in Iowa with none other than my dear sister, the Microblogologist! Cheers everybody! See she visited during the mysterious and amazing month of November for thanksgiving and I joined her on the trip back to her home. So far so good, I did my housewifely duties and cleaned up a bit and set up my computer to laze about on. She's out doing her water dancing now. Then I shall enjoy my lunch***. We figure each others' company will help restore our sanities that have been dwindling for a while now. Goodness knows I just knew I had to come back and keep my sweet sister company right about when I saw her toting around a laminated picture of a person as her one and only companion. I think she was talking to it and everything.**** Seems I'll have my work cut out for me...

Oi vey.

----copying Microblogologist who copies Literal Dan----

*When I get colds and other respiratory issues I lose my ability to sleep. It causes me to randomly crash and sleep for hours.

**Amazing things differ from person to person. Please, ask your doctor if Amazing Things are right for you.

***I slept up until 5 pm when I got here. I label my meals numerically not by the time they occur. Other people eat lunch or dinner about when I can have "breakfast."

****It was the FlatWeaselMomma project, not my sister really going insane. Or is she? Dun dun duuunnnnn