Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Biohazard Bratling and Play D'oh

Why is it whenever I get sick the top of my list of disease spreading suspects ends up being Bratling? Probably because kids are just as bad as rats carrying the plague only they're much cuter. I'm a gullible creature by nature. When I hear a kid sniffling I don't quite equate it to them being sick and so when Bratling went to kindergarten and brought back more than just crayon drawings I didn't think anything about it.

More kisses from a snuffly kid? Yes please!

It's not that they just give you diseases. No. It's the fact that kids make it their job to spread their ailments all around that makes them such hazardous creatures to your health. It doesn't help the fact that Bratling is shoving varying things into her mouth lately. Yesterday I got on her case when I caught her chewing on a quarter. It gave "Gra" (that's grandma to the rest of you) a heart attack. As sure as the sun rises if it's something that comes in contact with her hands, it'll end up in her mouth. Bratling touches a gross surface, she then puts her fingertips in her mouth. Little wonder she is always dragging home new diseases. My immune system always ends up getting a workout with her around that's for sure.

I should label the kid with one of these.
bIOhazard Pictures, Images and Photos

Brat has a new favorite thing ever; Play-Doh. Yes, that nasty colored clay in a jar. I'm probably only saying that because Bratling has a love of mooshing the stuff into the carpeting. Not on purpose but it ends up on the floor and under her feet very easily. I'll take a shot in the dark and say that her shoes are coated in the muck right now. On the plus, she'll play with her Play-Doh for hours and hours on end and inevitably it dries up so I can get rid of it. For the price the crap costs that's a good investment. I keep getting handed long snake shaped clay pieces with demands that I transform them into varying animals for Bratling to moosh, cut up, and in general bring to a gory demise. I'm playing with the stuff almost as much as her from that.

The best was last night when we made a headcrab from half-life 2 and then a person. Naturally that quickly turned into a headcrab zombie for the kid to have walk about and enjoy. That's so incredibly cute. I got a gamer at the ripe age of five who's got a good taste in games. It brings tears to my eyes to pass on that torch. God I'm such a bad awesome influence. I don't see many other kindergartners with these do you?
That is so cool.

Extra credit points for those of you who can tell me how to get the crap out of my carpeting.

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Caffeinated Addict

It's official, I've been given the title of "Junkie". It's all down hill from here. What terrible substance do I abuse myself with? What horrible secret addiction do I carry? What puts me into withdrawal symptoms and causes ungodly amounts of agitation in me when I don't get my fix?

Coffee. Also lovingly known as hot bean juice.

It was just the other day that Bratling and I were having our fun on the computer, my sweet nerd sister, the Microblogologist, on Skype's voice chat. When the headaches occurred. Ever had a withdrawal headache? They suck. It was either the pain or another symptom showing but I became the grouchiest crab in that instant and brat's every kid-thing suddenly grated on my nerves heavily. Naturally this means a trip to the coffee pot. That kitchen oasis of life that brings forth the hot bean juice I desperately need. As it brewed and I gawked at the slow slow trickling stream of coffee just not coming out fast enough I realized that this beverage is slowly taking over my life. What next? Turning tricks behind the back of a Starbucks for the needed shot of a double espresso?

I should quit! I should go upstairs now and dump that wretched stuff down the drain and check myself into rehab for my highly over exaggerated problem. Suffer through the pains of caffeine withdrawal locked away in my room and only come out once I'm cured then never touch the stuff again.

Then again, I'd rather not. It is after all a lot better for you than you might think as lovingly documented here:

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Cuppy Cake Horror Survival

Seeing as I don't think I have a post yet about something other than the whelps shenanigans let me go on and give you all a sweet little glimpse at one of the things that bring me such great joy in life. Video games. Yes! I am an admitted gamer. FPSs, Sims, Dumb Pet games, Fighting, Adventure, Puzzle (though they make me feel dumb), Old-School DOS! Give me a game and I'll play it. Except sports and racing, I was never really into those. My current old school piece of goodness game that I'm playing through is the original Silent Hill, my first horror survival game. How do those work? You try to get through and live in these games that like to startle you, scare you and in general make you freak out if you play the games late at night and in the dark by yourself.

Silent Hill is one of those few games I won't play in front of the kid. Surprisingly so, considering I normally play my horrible games whilst Bratling watches and cheers me on (Yes I am expecting some negative comments for that one). In my justification for my bad parenting skills I'll have to tell you: Kid's cartoons effect her drastically where as even my worst game has yet to make any impact on Whelpling's psych. I also figure she'll be blaming me for enough crap come teenagerdom so being the cool parental-esque figure who let's her enjoy a nasty video game form time to time isn't going to be at the top of the list of problems she'll be whining about. Reality around here, the older folks play games and so long as Bratling doesn't start trying to reenact her gaming experiences I'm cool with it. I've raised her so far playing these games and instilled in her that games are not real, you don't do the bad things in games in real life, and we don't talk about gaming to everyone. Those really are the biggest bases to cover.

Gaming around here is like Fight Club. Rule number one, we don't talk about gaming.

It's a taboo, I'll admit it. There was even a time I insisted on not touching a game rated over E when she was around but it was making her more upset than anything. Now after kindergarten I get a little kid running up to me happily saying, "I was good at school today like you said. Let's play Painkiller! I get to shoot this time and kill the monsters though." Awww... warms my heart.

Anyhoo, I digressed. Silent Hill I don't touch near the kid for probably only the singular reason that she drives me nuts whilst playing it. "The little girl's name is YOUR name Auntie! DO you hear static? Is there a monster? You must be hearing static! Hurry you got to save your little girl self!"

Oi, that's a horror game mood killer. Then again so is playing the "Cuppy Cake" song on loop whilst I'm playing the game but I keep doing that too. Oh well, I guess there really aren't any games I won't play around that kid. God I'm a bad influence...