From the Flawed Logic of a Child

Over here at the Unmarried Housewife's household things have been an off and on battle to remind Kid exactly how things work. As you all may recall poor Pa has been watching the whelp whilst I cavorted about in Iowa with my sister, the Microblogologist. As you also remember, Kid became a completely wild child with my sixty something sickly Pa behind the wheels of the bratmobile.

Poor Bratling, to be five, her cherished maternal figure who was also her discipline regime, gone. How else was she to act? Too bad for her the discipline force doesn't humor her off behavior. It was not so bad whilst Microblogologist around, though Kid took it upon herself to tattle on me every time I tried to enforce something or get her to do something like... oh I don't know. Return the things she took out of my room and lost or clean up a mess she entirely made. She'd come up with the many excuses to go to the area her other auntie was in and tell on me. Oy vey.

This leads to my current punishment on Kid. Because she trashed my room, broke some of my things and lost others whilst I was away I took the computer away from her for the rest of her winter vacation. Kid logic dictates that Pa's computer, however, is free game. So after my wake up call of little clomping feet going up and down the hall reached me and I coffeed myself up to a tolerable level I came downstairs. What did my eyes see before me but Kid, on the computer, trying to call her auntie over Skype from a computer without the mic needed for such a task. With the grace that all of us dictator tyrant disciplinarians posses I addressed the issue:

Me [dignified yell]: "Kid! Stop trying to call Auntie Kee! You know that Skype's call feature doesn't work, you're just harassing Kee!"

Kid [whining]: "But I miss my Auntie Kee!"

Me [not backing down]: "So? That doesn't make that Skype work without a mic. She might not even be home."

Kid [mad]: "I want to talk to Auntie Kee!"

Me [annoyance building]: "It doesn't matter. You're still uselessly ringing her up."

Kid [whiny mad]: (repeat prior responses x3)

Me [dawning revelation]: "Wait a minute... Didn't I ground you from the computer? I did ground you from the computer!"

Kid [exasperated]: "You grounded me from my computer. This is Pa's computer."

Me [deadpan]: "Nice try. Off."

Kid [angry]: "You let me talk to my Auntie Kee right now!"

Me [amused]: "Oh?"

Kid: [makes a frustrated and whiny scream]

Me: [laughs at Kid's expense]

Kid [pulling out the big guns]: "If you don't let me talk to Auntie Kee right now I'll call you by your middle name!"

Me [humoring]: "Oh?"

Kid [satisfied malice]: "Yeah! (Uses her own middle name)!"

Me and Auntie Kee from over Skype: [dies laughing]

Eventually she'll figure out that not everyone hates their middle name or share the same one. I think I may just cry that day.

--------after notes---------

Yes, yes I am mean. It's too much fun poking fun at a kid's train of thought and Kid is an abundant resource of cheap chuckles. Kids; a gift that keeps on giving.